To Truly Challenge Traditional Masculinity, Try ‘Failing’ at It

A tried-and-true method to liberate yourself and others.

Nearly a decade ago, back when I first began my reporting on what was then-called the “global masculinity crisis,” I wrote a story for The Atlantic that ran under the optimistic headline, “The End of Violent, Simplistic, Macho Masculinity.” In it, I detailed the beginnings of the healthy masculinity movement, which sought to redefine masculinity, according to Pat McGann of the grassroots advocacy organization Men Can Stop Rape, with words like “nurturing, kind, positive, good, caring, courage, confident, inclusive, courageous, honest, accountability, and respect.” Through my research, I encountered a vibrant network of academics and grassroots organizations like MCSR who’d spent decades working to stop violence men perpetuate against others — and ourselves. I later made the unfolding effort to challenge and reimagine capital-m “Masculinity” my beat, writing dozens of articles and a book on both the many perils of unconsciously embodying traditional (what some advocates call “toxic”) masculinity.

As a transgender man, I understood that I had a unique perspective on this story. I began injecting testosterone in 2011, around the time I began investigating what masculinity “means,” and as the fallout from the Great…