What makes a body trans

Not doctors. Not hormones. Not the government. Not you.

I changed my gender markers and my name, legally, nine years ago, though that is not when my transition “began.”

I received my first shot of testosterone 10 years ago this June, though that is not when my transition “began.”

I named myself Thomas, a family name which also means twin, when I came out 11 years ago, though that is not when my transition “began.”

I had surgery to reconstruct my chest 12 years ago, before I had language for my body, though that is not when my transition “began.”

I squinted at myself in the mirror, looking for a boy in the blur, 35 years ago and then every day until I found him, though that is not when my transition began.

Before my first shot, before the DMV amended my license, before the beard grew in — I was born in this body, the right body, a trans body.

I was born in this body, not the wrong body, always a trans body, always my own. I was trans before I knew my own name, a name only I could give myself.

I make me myself, and I never stopped seeing me until I became him, and I am him and so I remain him — my twin, myself —

whether you see me or not.

Happy Trans Day of Visibility.